This time, a quasi rant/self analysis FB status:
“Also, “quick” rant/self-analysis:
Recent experience of what can best be summed up as “what of your DVD collection isn’t bootleg?” with a friend when she happened upon some of my bootleg DVDs in my collection.
…Now, before I say anything else, some disclaimers: this is one of those “dumb s**t my friends says” type things, so ultimately, water under the bridge; that being said, 2-way street that I’m perfectly well aware of, I know I’ve made the same type of insensitive comments to friends (granted, most cases it’s really just “it’s not my fault you’re sensitive over stupid s**t” but whatevs); lastly, one of the main reasons why this bothers me is b/c of dumb b.s. I went through in HS & earlier of the “b*tches be jelly of my swagger” type mental baggage, so whenever s**t starts to scrape this level of b.s., no bueno.
Okay, that out of the way, I have…*counting* 600 DVDs in my collection, give or take 6. If I were to be generous, about 25 are bootleg, give or take 6, NVM that lately I’ve been replacing bootleg series for legit copies, plus, all of this not including the DVDs that came in today. Now, besides this being the main reason why I never play the stupid pissing contest of “look @ how many DVDs I have!”, since I always win that game whether you realize it or not, but it’s a dumb thing to be proud of & definitely nothing to brag about (“Wow! Look at how much $$$ I’ve spent on frivolous s**t!”), let’s get back to why the above statement “bothered” me from said friend.
So, even though a small percentage of my collection is bootleg (~4%) out of ALL my DVDs, you felt justified in saying “what isn’t bootleg”…wow, just wow (besides generally sucking at math) >.>
Okay, back to mental baggage. One of the main reasons why I had so many issues with ghetto b***hes at my HS was b/c of their “you have more than me, so f**k you” mentality in which I kept dealing with d*uches that would try to tear me down b/c they’re poor &, of course, this is MY fault THEIR raggedy a$$ is raggedy in the first place -_- Mind you, I went to a private Catholic all-girls HS; quite frankly, there shouldn’t have been that many “poor raggedy b*tches that have issues with ppl. more well-to-do than them” in the first place but that’s a whole ‘nother issue.
Back on point, so whenever somebody starts making cracks about me doing something with MY $$$, or what I have, or anything of the like, I instantly (’cause mental baggage & all) automatically assume this is a comment born of sheer jealousy of what they don’t have but what I have/can afford & yet another attempt to tear me down b/c they’re b*tches that can’t get their s**t together whereas I can (basically, think of this as a type of “360 is better than PS3/PS3 sucks” type rant, where really the 360 ppl. are just pissed they can’t afford it & it’s not b/c the ‘PS3 sucks’). Granted, sometimes it’s a subconscious thing where the person doing that doesn’t realize they’re doing it & why, but generally jealousy/envy is at the heart of the issue.
Now, this is just the thought that runs through my mind b/c of bad experiences in the past, I don’t believe this particular incident was b/c of that mentality (why I detailed back story to explain mental baggage in the first place) but at the same time, I also have pretty decent trust issues, so almost any case of playful d*uchy jabs (which you do with long-time friends) can result in me going “b*tch, you don’t know me like that” in the back of my head, still, why I took some offense. I mean, when you’ve been dealing with this type of b.s. a decent majority of your life, you tend to take issue when things like this happen, no matter how inconsequential, especially since 9/10 times this is the case (i.e., jealousy of what I have & what they don’t); of course, I’m not trying to make this seem like experiences like these “ruined my life” but they did help shape me as a person, for better/worse. Additionally, it’s this kind of “get pissed off at ppl. doing better than them” mentality that really grinds my gears, so anything that gets perilously close to this is going to have some kind of negative reaction out of me; not going to explode, may not even be obvious, but I ain’t going to let that s**t slide w/o saying something. I’ve worked my a$$ off for any & everything I have, so for some dumb b***h to try to tear me down b/c their s**t ain’t together; n***a plz ~.~
Again, I honestly don’t think this was straight up “this b*tch is jealous of me & being a b*tch b/c of it” & just more “thanks for carelessly pushing my berserk button w/o realizing it ~.~”, but I just needed to get those feelz out. Lastly, one of the main reasons why ppl. pissed me off in HS had more to do with my not saying anything when someone did/said s**t to or about me & my going more ‘strong silent type’ (seriously, when you don’t give bullies a reaction, more often than not they’re going to lose interest in bothering you + EVERYONE gets bullied in HS, it’s just a matter of how much, how often, & how severe) to avoid any serious conflict, so I make d*mn sure I say s*it now vs. bottling it up.
(Unfortunately long) rant over. Ultimately, this whole thing sums up to “I’m getting too old for this s**t” >.>”
Also, the DVDs that came in today were these:
…& I only plan to buy the 3rd season of Digimon, but no more after that since I don’t like the others. Also, I got both of these from Amazon, so definitely look there for these things. I mean, I originally bought a bootleg copy of SnS years ago, so this is my legit replacement copy of that. Heck, I think I threw that bootleg away a long time ago anyway.